Secure Attachment

As we grow, it’s natural to seek validation from our parents or caregivers. But if we continue to let the outside environment define us, we risk becoming insecure, without a solid structure to guide us. Relationships are a constant negotiation, requiring us to balance the things we enjoy with the responsibilities we have to others. Often, this can lead to inner conflicts. Sometimes, we devote ourselves so fully to others that we lose touch with our sense of self. While values and principles are important, holding onto rigid beliefs can limit our growth.

Our brains develop like the roots of trees in a forest, each one unique. Interestingly, the neural pathways formed through early attachment to our primary caregivers are the same ones that reshape when we connect with romantic partners. So, if our forest of early connections was tangled or unable to thrive, it may be time to dig deeper, plant new seeds, and restore balance.

Check out this beautiful video by The School of Life on John Bowlby's Attachment Theory.

What Can Be Helpful?

Speak up in the moment. Boundaries are cultivated through small, consistent actions. We don’t need to create big walls to be respected; small steps build healthy boundaries.

Recognise your body’s signals. How can we know our boundaries if we don’t pay attention to our intuition?

Take responsibility for how we feel. While learning unconditional love is essential, it’s also important to recognise when others may drain our energy. Some people thrive on our irritability, and when we’re not ready to handle that dynamic, it’s okay to set limits.

Practice self-care. Make yourself a priority. Those who genuinely care about you will want to see you thrive, become self-sufficient, and build a strong foundation. This way, you’ll have more to give to others without exhausting yourself. No one should demand more than you can give. The only exception is caring for a newborn—an experience that reminds us to ask for help.